Did you just see the Batmobile???
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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