I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Text me some of your sweat
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