Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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