I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
