i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
