maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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