hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Randomize
