5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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