Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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