Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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