You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I want her autograph on my taint
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
