I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
