I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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