nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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