Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
