I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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