I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
