Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
