Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize