There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
