it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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