just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need to calm my uterus...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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