I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Please don't give away my fajitas
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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