Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
