i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
