I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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