Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
