I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
