I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
