i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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