you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
