I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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