dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
