Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize