Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
3 2 1 whiskey
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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