I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
