Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
