singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
