When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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