What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
