I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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