Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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