so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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