Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
