Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize