the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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