I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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