Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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