I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
