I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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