It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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