He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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