you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize