I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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