I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
