Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
