I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize