dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
