like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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