I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
