Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
