just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
