This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
