Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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