Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
