The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
