I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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