He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
