A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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