he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
