I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
